{"id":9849,"date":"2025-10-07T11:18:21","date_gmt":"2025-10-07T11:18:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.targeticon.com\/en-coaching\/articles\/sinirli-insanin-sinir-ile-imtihani\/"},"modified":"2025-10-22T22:52:18","modified_gmt":"2025-10-22T22:52:18","slug":"sinirli-insanin-sinir-ile-imtihani","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/sinirli-insanin-sinir-ile-imtihani\/","title":{"rendered":"S\u0131n\u0131rl\u0131 \u0130nsan\u0131n S\u0131n\u0131r \u0130le \u0130mtihan\u0131"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\n

S\u0131n\u0131rlar, ili\u015fkide oldu\u011fumuz ki\u015filere ger\u00e7ekleri s\u00f6yleyebilme yetene\u011fimiz ve cesaretimizdir asl\u0131nda. Do\u011fru insanlar\u0131 se\u00e7memizi ve onlarla do\u011fru zamanda ve do\u011fru \u015fartlar alt\u0131nda bir arada olmam\u0131z\u0131 da kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131r. <\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n

Elif Nesibe Temiz |<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n

\u0130lk kez g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz biri kap\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 \u00e7alsa hemen i\u00e7eri almay\u0131z, \u00f6yle de\u011fil mi? Ya da yeni tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z birini eve \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rmak yerine \u00f6nce d\u0131\u015far\u0131da bulu\u015furuz? Y\u0131llar\u0131n dostuysa evimize gelen, onu misafir odam\u0131zda a\u011f\u0131rlar; yatak odam\u0131za ise kimseyi sokmay\u0131z. Baz\u0131 misafirlerimiz sadece yeme\u011fe gelir, ancak \u00e7ok g\u00fcvendiklerimiz ailemizin i\u00e7erisinde yat\u0131l\u0131 misafir olarak kalabilir. Bu se\u00e7imlerin hepsinde, aynen \u00fclkeler aras\u0131 vize ba\u015fvurusunda uygulanan k\u0131staslar gibi, ili\u015fki y\u00f6netimindeki ki\u015fisel s\u00fczge\u00e7lerimiz devreye girer. \u0130\u015fte o s\u00fczgecin deliklerinin b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc de s\u0131n\u0131r alg\u0131m\u0131z belirler. <\/p>\n\n

\u0130nsan ili\u015fkilerinde s\u0131n\u0131r kavram\u0131, asl\u0131nda bizzat Allah\u2019\u0131n \u201cHududullah\u201d ifadesiyle Kur\u2019an\u2019da and\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir terim. Rabbimiz \u00f6zellikle e\u015fler aras\u0131 hukukta kullan\u0131yor bu ifadeyi. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu kavram daha \u00e7ok hem kendimizle hem Rabbimizle hem de ba\u015fkalar\u0131yla kurdu\u011fumuz ili\u015fkilerde ortaya \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor. Bu ili\u015fkilerin en uzun soluklu ve \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmal\u0131s\u0131 da evlilik oldu\u011funa g\u00f6re Kur\u2019an\u2019da s\u0131n\u0131r kavram\u0131na bu konuda yer verilmesi olduk\u00e7a anlaml\u0131. G\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fczde ise modern psikoloji ile hakl\u0131 olarak yeniden g\u00fcndemimizde. Hakl\u0131 olarak diyorum, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hepimizin s\u0131n\u0131r kavram\u0131n\u0131 do\u011fru bilmemesi veya bilse de uygulayamamas\u0131 sebebiyle pek \u00e7ok yaras\u0131 mevcut. Ya s\u0131n\u0131r koyup ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131 kaybetmekten korkuyoruz ya da s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 belirlemeyip kendimizi kaybediyoruz. Bu y\u00fczden, \u015fifa olabilecek ili\u015fkiler insan\u0131 hasta edecek toksik bir duruma gelebiliyor. <\/p>\n\n

M\u00fckemmeliyet\u00e7ilikten Kurtulmak M\u00fcmk\u00fcn<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n

S\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131, insan\u0131n gerek fiziksel gerekse ruhsal olarak etraf\u0131na \u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u00e7itler gibi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnebiliriz. Zira ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131 s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z bir varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n kendisine hudutlar \u00e7izmesi, bireysel anlamda hayat\u0131 daha ya\u015fan\u0131l\u0131r h\u00e2le getiren bir durum. Aksi takdirde \u00dcstat Bedi\u00fczzaman\u2019\u0131n Risale-i Nur <\/em>k\u00fcliyat\u0131nda bir\u00e7ok kez ifade etti\u011fi hadsiz h\u00e2c\u00e2t\u0131 i\u00e7erisinde mahvolup gider insan. Yani ki\u015fi kendinin, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n bilincinde ve s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131n, di\u011fer bir deyi\u015fle kapasitesinin fark\u0131nda olursa; kullu\u011funu icra etmede de i\u015fi birazc\u0131k kolayla\u015f\u0131yor. Hayatta neleri yap\u0131p yapamayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131n, neyin do\u011fru veya yanl\u0131\u015f oldu\u011funun bilgisine daha net sahip oluyor. Ayn\u0131 zamanda kendisini kimi zaman mutsuz kimi zaman da hasta eden m\u00fckemmeliyet\u00e7ilikten kurtulup limitlerini ve hata pay\u0131n\u0131 kabullenebiliyor. Yoksa m\u00fckemmeliyet\u00e7ilik alg\u0131s\u0131 bize s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 unutturup g\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda kendi kapasitemizin duvarlar\u0131na \u00e7arpa \u00e7arpa yorulmam\u0131za yol a\u00e7\u0131yor. <\/p>\n\n

Kendimizi tan\u0131ma noktas\u0131nda da olmazsa olmaz\u0131m\u0131z bu kavram. Kur\u2019an\u2019\u0131n daha ilk sayfas\u0131nda Fatiha Suresi\u2019nde Allah bizimle tan\u0131\u015f\u0131p hem kendini hem de bizi bize tan\u0131t\u0131rken; asl\u0131nda bir nevi bu d\u00fcnyadaki koordinatlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 belirliyor. Aynen bu \u015fekilde ki\u015finin kendisini bilmesi, ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u0131fatlar\u0131n fark\u0131nda olmas\u0131, vas\u0131flar\u0131n\u0131 abartmadan ve azaltmadan s\u00f6yleyebilmesi, kulluk vazifesini yerine getirebilmesi i\u00e7in son derece m\u00fchim. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc biz kendimize verilmi\u015f bir hediyeyiz ve sadece bu hediye \u00fczerinde m\u00fcdahale hakk\u0131na sahibiz. Ama odak noktalar\u0131 farkl\u0131 aynalara bak\u0131yorsak kendimizi oldu\u011fundan \u00e7ok daha g\u00fczel ya da tam tersine kusurlu g\u00f6rebiliriz. Bu da s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 hatal\u0131 \u00e7izmemize ve kendimize zulmetmemize yol a\u00e7\u0131yor. <\/p>\n\n

Sorumluluk mu Y\u00fck m\u00fc?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n

Hatal\u0131 harita, ki\u015filik binam\u0131z\u0131 yanl\u0131\u015f yere konumland\u0131raca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z anlam\u0131na geliyor. B\u00f6ylelikle s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131za dahil olmayan pek \u00e7ok \u015feyden de kendimizi sorumlu hissediyoruz. Kom\u015funun bah\u00e7esinde olmas\u0131 gereken topra\u011f\u0131 da biz ekmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yoruz. Sonra da \u201cT\u00fckendik, bittik, bu y\u00fck bize a\u011f\u0131r geldi.\u201d diye s\u00f6yleniyoruz. Allah insana kald\u0131raca\u011f\u0131ndan fazla y\u00fck y\u00fcklemez elbette. Ama benim ta\u015f\u0131ma listemde Allah\u2019\u0131n koyduklar\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131 s\u0131ra, o koymu\u015f gibi kendime \u00f6dev vererek sahiplendiklerim de var. Yani s\u0131n\u0131rlar, insan\u0131n sorumluluk alg\u0131s\u0131 ve tahamm\u00fcl g\u00fcc\u00fcnde de bariz bir bi\u00e7imde kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131za \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor. Zira \u201cBen buyum.\u201d diye \u015fekillendirdi\u011fimiz ki\u015filik manifestomuzun ka\u00e7ta ka\u00e7\u0131 asl\u0131nda bizim \u00fczerinde d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz maddelerden olu\u015fuyor; sorgulam\u0131yoruz bile \u00e7o\u011fu zaman. \u201c\u015eunu yapmal\u0131y\u0131m, bunu etmeliyim.\u201d diyerek kendimize yak\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z g\u00f6revlerin bizimle, kabiliyetlerimizle, ruh d\u00fcnyam\u0131zla ne kadar uyumlu oldu\u011funa bakm\u0131yoruz. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc daha fazla sorumlulu\u011fu \u00fcst\u00fcm\u00fcze almak, bizi ba\u015fkalar\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 daha yard\u0131msever, becerikli, \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkan, tuttu\u011funu koparan, cesur vs. bir insan yap\u0131yor. Ama bunu yaparken o sorumluluklar maalesef y\u00fcke d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor. Peki bir insan kendisine zarar vererek bir ba\u015fkas\u0131na fayda sa\u011flayabilir mi, dahas\u0131, sa\u011flamal\u0131 m\u0131? \u0130\u015fte s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmeye, kim oldu\u011fumuzdan \u00f6nce kim olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 belirleyerek ba\u015fl\u0131yoruz. <\/p>\n\n

Fark etmeli<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n

Sinir sahibi olmak yerine do\u011fru s\u0131n\u0131rlara sahip olmak i\u00e7in i\u015fe \u201cfark etmez\u201d demeyi bir kenara b\u0131rakarak ba\u015flayabiliriz. Zevklerimiz, ho\u015fland\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z, sevmediklerimiz hususunda kazanaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z netlikler, insanl\u0131k i\u00e7in k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck g\u00f6r\u00fcnse de bizim i\u00e7in olduk\u00e7a k\u0131ymetli ad\u0131mlar. Ne istedi\u011fini bilmeyi sabit fikirlilik ve se\u00e7eneksizlik h\u00e2line getirmedi\u011fimiz m\u00fcddet\u00e7e, \u201cfark etmez\u201d c\u00fcmlesinden vazge\u00e7mek i\u015fe yarar bir y\u00f6ntem olabilir. Elbette her konuda oldu\u011fu gibi burada da ifrat ve tefrite d\u00fc\u015fmemeye dikkat etmek gerek. Ne istedi\u011fimizi bilelim, ba\u015fkalar\u0131ndan \u00f6nce kendimize biz soral\u0131m derken; sadece kendi isteklerinin ger\u00e7ekle\u015fmesini arzulayan, olumsuz bir durumda da hayat\u0131 etraf\u0131ndakilere zindan eden bencillerden de olmayal\u0131m. <\/p>\n\n

K\u0131sacas\u0131 bulundu\u011fumuz kab\u0131n \u015fekline girmek yerine kendi \u015feklimizi yo\u011furdu\u011fumuz, karakterli bir duru\u015ftan bahsediyoruz. Yeter ki mayam\u0131z sa\u011flam olsun. Ayn\u0131 mayal\u0131 hamurdan bamba\u015fka yemekler \u00fcretebildi\u011fimiz gibi, ayn\u0131 \u015fuuralt\u0131 m\u00fcktesebat\u0131na sahip olsak, ayn\u0131 aileye mensup olsak, ayn\u0131 \u015feylere inansak da farkl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131zla var olmam\u0131z ve bunlar\u0131 kavgaya de\u011fil zenginli\u011fe \u00e7evirmemiz pek\u00e2l\u00e2 m\u00fcmk\u00fcn. Zira hayat siyah ve beyaz netli\u011finde ilerlemiyor. Bu sebeple gri rengi i\u00e7erisinde kendi tonumuzu yakalayabilmemiz \u00f6nem kazan\u0131yor. <\/p>\n\n

The Trial of a Limited Person with Boundaries<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n

Boundaries are, in essence, our ability and courage to speak truths to those with whom we relate. They also make it easier for us to choose the right people, and to be together with them at the right time and under the right conditions. <\/p>\n\n

If someone we meet for the first time knocks on our door, we don\u2019t immediately let them in, do we? Or rather than inviting a newly acquainted person into our home, we first meet outside. A longtime friend may come to our home and we host them in the guest room\u2014but we don\u2019t let just anyone into our bedroom. Some guests come only for a meal, while those we trust deeply may stay over inside our family circle. In all these choices, personal filters operate in our relationship management, much like visa criteria between countries. And the size of the holes in that filter is determined by our perception of boundaries. <\/p>\n\n

In human relationships, the concept of boundaries is in fact a term mentioned in the Qur\u2019an as Hud\u00fbdull\u00e2h<\/strong> (the limits of God). Our Lord especially uses it in the jurisprudence between spouses. Because this concept emerges more prominently in the relationships we establish\u2014with ourselves, with God, and with others. And since marriage is the longest and most conflict\u2011prone of these relationships, it is meaningful that the Qur\u2019an addresses the concept of boundaries in this context. In our day, modern psychology rightly brings it back to the agenda. I say \u201crightly\u201d because many of us either do not know the concept of boundaries correctly, or even if we do, we cannot apply it\u2014and that creates many wounds. Sometimes we fear losing others if we set boundaries; other times we fail to define boundaries and lose ourselves. Thus the relationships that could heal us become toxic, harming us instead. <\/p>\n\n

It Is Possible to Be Free from Perfectionism<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n

We can think of boundaries like fences we build around ourselves, physically and psychologically. Because for a being with unlimited needs to draw limits around itself is something that, at an individual level, makes life more bearable. Otherwise, as the Master Bedi\u00fczzaman repeatedly states in his Risale\u2011i Nur collection, one would perish amidst unlimited h\u00e2c\u00e2t<\/em> (urgent needs). In other words, if a person is aware of their own humanity and recognizes their limits\u2014or in other words, their capacity\u2014then fulfilling their role as a servant becomes somewhat easier. They understand more clearly what they can and cannot do, what is right or wrong. At the same time, they can free themselves from the perfectionism that sometimes makes them unhappy or ill, and accept their limits and a margin for error. Otherwise, the perception of perfectionism erases our awareness of our boundaries, and in the end we exhaust ourselves by repeatedly hitting the walls of our capacity. <\/p>\n\n

This concept is indispensable in self\u2011knowledge, too. Just as in the very first page of the Qur\u2019an\u2014the F\u0101ti\u1e25a\u2014Allah meets us and introduces both Himself and us to us, in a sense specifying our coordinates in this world. In the same way, a person knowing themself, being aware of the qualities they carry and speaking them neither exaggeratedly nor diminutively, is extremely important for fulfilling the duty of servitude. Because we are a gift given to ourselves, and we hold the right to intervene only in that gift. But if we look in different mirrors whose focal points differ, we may see ourselves as much more beautiful\u2014or much more flawed\u2014than we truly are. This leads to drawing incorrect boundaries and committing injustice against ourselves. <\/p>\n\n

Responsibility or Burden?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n

A faulty map means placing the building of our personality in the wrong location. Thus we feel responsible for many things that don\u2019t belong inside our boundaries. We try to plant what should belong to the neighbor\u2019s garden. Then we complain, \u201cWe are exhausted, used up\u2014this burden is heavy for us.\u201d Of course, Allah does not burden a person beyond their capacity. But in my \u201cto\u2010carry list,\u201d besides what Allah has placed, there are tasks I have assigned to myself as if they were given by Him. In other words, boundaries clearly appear in one\u2019s sense of responsibility and tolerance. Because how much of our self\u2011manifesto\u2014\u201cThis is who I am\u201d\u2014consists of things we have unthinkingly accepted, we often don\u2019t even question. We say, \u201cI must do this, I should do that,\u201d but we don\u2019t consider how much those duties align with our capabilities and inner world. Because taking more responsibility makes us appear more helpful to others, more capable, more diligent, courageous, etc. Yet, while doing so, unfortunately, those responsibilities turn into burdens. So, can a person benefit another by harming themselves\u2014or should they? Here we begin learning our boundaries by first determining who we are not, before who we are. <\/p>\n\n

We Must Be Distinct<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n

To have proper boundaries rather than being quick to get angry, we can start by giving up saying \u201cI don\u2019t care.\u201d Gaining clarity about our tastes, what we like, what we dislike may seem small for humanity, but for us they are precious steps. As long as we do not turn knowing what we want into rigidity or lack of options, giving up the phrase \u201cI don\u2019t care\u201d can be a useful method. Of course, as always, we must avoid extremes. Knowing what we want, asking ourselves first rather than others\u2014yet not becoming selfish people who demand only their desires be fulfilled and make life hell for others when things go bad. <\/p>\n\n

In short: we speak of a stance that does not mold ourselves into the shape of the container we are in, but rather molds our own shape with character. Provided our \u201cyeast\u201d is solid. Just as from the same dough we can make very different dishes, even if we belong to the same subconscious heritage, the same family, believe in the same things, we can exist with our differences and transform them into richness rather than conflict. Life does not progress in stark black and white. Thus the ability to find our own tone within gray becomes important. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

S\u0131n\u0131rlar, ili\u015fkide oldu\u011fumuz ki\u015filere ger\u00e7ekleri s\u00f6yleyebilme yetene\u011fimiz ve cesaretimizdir asl\u0131nda. Do\u011fru insanlar\u0131 se\u00e7memizi ve onlarla do\u011fru zamanda ve do\u011fru \u015fartlar alt\u0131nda bir arada olmam\u0131z\u0131 da kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131r. Elif Nesibe Temiz | \u0130lk kez g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz biri kap\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 \u00e7alsa hemen i\u00e7eri almay\u0131z, \u00f6yle de\u011fil mi? Ya da yeni tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z birini eve \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rmak yerine \u00f6nce d\u0131\u015far\u0131da bulu\u015furuz? Y\u0131llar\u0131n dostuysa […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9849","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9849","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9849"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9849\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9850,"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9849\/revisions\/9850"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9849"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9849"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elifnesibe.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9849"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}