How should parents behave in teaching privacy?

Just as countries establish their borders and expect them not to be violated, children should also learn to preserve their personal boundaries through privacy education. Just as entry into countries requires a visa, entry into a child's private space should also require permission.

When I was young, I met an uncle who, when asked what he did for a living, replied, "My job is to cover privacy, my dear." As a child, I didn't understand and asked, "What do you mean?" He told me he owned a big button factory. According to him, the primary purpose of buttons was to protect privacy. Honestly, until that day, I had never looked at a button through the lens of privacy. But if even years later that word still reminds me of the same dialogue, then the uncle's message must have hit the mark. If even a small dialogue can convey a message of privacy to a child, then there is much parents can do in this regard.

In our home, curtains also represented privacy. For my father, curtains meant the boundaries of our home. When he came home in the evening, he would always check them, and if we hadn't closed them properly or accidentally left them slightly open, he would correct them and gently explain the reason for his sensitivity. Of course, not everyone was watching us, but the point of privacy was not about hiding from others; it was about keeping some things private. Therefore, buttons, curtains, doors, etc., even ordinary objects when viewed from the perspective of privacy, become reminders of our uniqueness, boundaries, and etiquette.

Before becoming parents, people might perceive parenthood as raising a child. But after holding their child in their arms, they understand clearly that they too are in need of upbringing, and this need will likely continue until they pass away. Therefore, under the pretext of raising their child, they will also enhance their own virtues and do their best to shield their child from their shortcomings.

"PRIVACY EDUCATION IS DEMONSTRATED BY ACTING IT OUT IN DAILY LIFE" Just like in all other education and guidance processes, in privacy education, we need to start with ourselves. As Pedagogue Salih Gül says, this is an education that, as he puts it, "should be demonstrated by acting it out in daily life rather than being taught in the classroom or on the board."

There is a saying whose owner I do not know, "The knowledge and manners learned at a young age remain fixed on the tablet of the heart, just like engraving on stone." So, if we want our child to lead a life without problems regarding privacy as they grow older, the earlier we start their education on this matter, the more successful it will be. Of course, it is also essential to make sure that the transmission is compatible with the child's physical and mental development. Psychologist Deniz Özbudak insists that just as we cannot apply the same remedy to every ailment, we cannot administer the same dosage to every child, emphasizing the avoidance of formulaic approaches.

"IF WE DON'T SET AN EXAMPLE, SOMEONE ELSE WILL" "In privacy education, if physical and mental harmony is not achieved, two types of scenarios can emerge," says Psychologist Deniz Özbudak. Either premature awakenings of instincts lead the child to struggle with questioning their sexual identity and controlling their sensual feelings in the future. Or when privacy education is not provided in a timely and appropriate manner, the child's mind lacks a proper understanding of right and wrong in this matter. Suppressed emotions can negatively impact marital life. Of course, this is equivalent to walking in a minefield for parents, especially if they themselves did not receive such conscious education when they were children. Deniz adds, "We may feel embarrassed and awkward, but we are obliged to do so. Because if we are not the source in this matter, 'someone else' will be."

"YOU SHOULD GET A VISA FROM YOUR CHILD!" Rather than perceiving privacy education solely as sexual education, if we see it as the integration of the concept of 'boundaries' into our lives, our chances as parents are much greater. Just as Pedagogue Gül says, the child in front of us is not just a child but an individual with boundaries just like an adult. And just as two countries establish their geographical boundaries and expect them not to be violated, children should learn to preserve their private boundaries both psychologically and physically. And just as entry from one country to another requires a visa, entry into a child's private space should also be unauthorized.

Of course, first and foremost, as parents, we need to be aware of our child's physical, mental, and emotional boundaries. Pedagogue Salih Gül says that if we do not knock on our child's door before entering their room, they will not learn to knock on our door before entering our room. So, just as in every other education, representation is much more effective in this matter. If the concept of boundaries is not properly delineated in the child's mind, they will neither learn to say 'No!' nor accept the same response from others. Unfortunately, this leads to many unwanted things in the future, including harassment or even assault.

IF CHILDREN'S FEELINGS OF LOVE, AFFECTION, AND VALUE ARE SATISFIED AT HOME, THEY WILL NOT SEEK DIFFERENT WAYS TO SATISFY THESE FEELINGS OUTSIDE.

PARENTS MUST BE 'TALKABLE' Psychologist Deniz Özbudak believes that the key word in privacy education is satisfaction. According to her, if children's feelings of love, affection, and value are satisfied at home, if they feel like respected individuals, then they won't have to fight hard to satisfy these feelings outside and won't resort to different quests. They can quickly recognize and express any wrongs done to them. "In the education we give to our children, we must express our trust in them, but we must also explain to them that there are many things outside in the world that we cannot trust. We must accept the difference in era and consciousness, and we must be ten steps ahead of our children in matters such as what they watch, what they read, and who they befriend. For this, participating in school activities with them, getting to know their friends and families very well, doing common programs with them, offering alternatives instead of saying no to everything, and most importantly, being an accessible and talkable parent on every issue are very important."

PAY ATTENTION TO AGES 3 TO 6! It is generally accepted that the education given to children between the ages of 3 and 6 is lasting. Pedagogue Salih Gül explains that children at this age have a black-and-white logic: "In the world of a child this age, there are only rights and wrongs. If they are taught what is wrong and what is right during this period, this knowledge will be much more lasting. After the age of 6, the questioning process begins, and the child wants to learn the reasons behind what we say. During this time, we must provide serious answers to their questions, and mistakes such as joking or teasing should never be made."

"IT SHOULD BE CONTROLLED WITHOUT BEING OPPRESSIVE" Here, parents' concerns about leaving their children alone with a third party come into play. Psychologist Özbudak warns against falling into an understanding that verges on paranoia and casts doubt on every person the child interacts with. Her advice