Father is dear!

When we are children, one of the first and easiest words we utter is "father." After a long pregnancy, a painful birthing process, and the sleepless nights of postpartum recovery, mothers may even get upset about it. Yet, the moment a child calls out "dad" is often a melting point for many men. The relationship between a father, who initially perceives his newborn as a mere toy, and his child takes a step from staring to conversing at this moment. However, even before being called "dad," the child is carefully observed and followed by their parent. A father's influence on their child begins with the genetic codes they pass on, then continues with the voice they introduce to their offspring during pregnancy. Finally, from the moment of birth onward, through every gaze and touch, the expression "dad" becomes a clear proclamation.

Effective Element: Father Psychologist Ross Parke points out the peculiar disregard of fathers in the field of psychology until recently. According to Parke, the main reason for this is the works of psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud and ethologist John Bowlby, who considered fathers less important in a child's development compared to mothers. However, studies conducted in this field over time prove that the paternal influence, often ignored during infancy, is indeed not as insignificant as once thought. Adaptation to the active roles fathers play in their children's lives and their ability to fulfill these roles depend on certain factors. Firstly, whether a man genuinely desires to be a father. Merely desiring to have children is not enough; the motivation behind this desire is crucial. Becoming a father because one's partner desires it or simply to fulfill a role imposed by family tradition will undoubtedly lack authenticity.

The second important factor is the relationship between partners. If the relationship is balanced, with well-established family identities, and if everyone agrees on how to raise their child, couples find it much easier to embrace their parental identity. Children raised in such families are better able to establish their own identities. At this point, Ross Parke mentions a study conducted in Boston called "Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting." According to this study, the healthier the marriage of parents, the healthier their babies are physiologically in the first two months of their lives.

The third factor is the financial security of a man who provides for his family. The responsibilities of having a child and the accompanying financial burdens, such as the mother having to leave her job for an extended period to take care of the child and not being able to earn money, can lead fathers to excessive anxiety about providing for their families. Men who feel prepared and financially secure in all these aspects adapt more easily to the idea of having a baby and play a more active role in the lives of their offspring during pregnancy, infancy, and childhood.

It is essential for fathers who tend to create distance between themselves and their children to overcome these barriers and establish healthy, deep bonds with their offspring.

Three Different Fatherhood Prototypes Psychologist Doğan Cüceloğlu believes that there are three different prototypes of fatherhood. The first is what Can Yücel describes as "absent father" in his poem "I loved my father the most in life." Present but absent; always missed. The longing is so intense that, as Yücel puts it, falling ill to see his father becomes something beautiful. Whether it is more challenging to have a father who is present physically but contributes nothing to the child's upbringing or to long for a father who is physically absent but missed, the first option seems to weigh more heavily in his verses. Absent fathers, even when present at home, do not contribute to their child's upbringing. These fathers typically perceive providing for the family - mostly financially - as their main duty. Their most famous line is, "I worked day and night for you. What have I not provided for you?" They work tirelessly to provide for their homes, spouses, and children in every material aspect possible. However, they often forget that providing for a family financially does not equate to providing for them emotionally and spiritually. They fail to realize that they are just as responsible for establishing peace at home, ensuring their spouses' satisfaction, and fostering their children's emotional and moral development as they are for paying bills and managing budgets.

Even though they come home from work and take their seats in their armchairs, they cannot take their place in their children's hearts. They spend more time looking at their phones or the screen in front of them than into their children's eyes. They always seem to have more important things to do. They often do not have time to deal with "trivial" household and family matters because they are too busy saving the world.

Absent fathers typically shift all emotional duties, including discipline, onto mothers through an unwritten agreement. As their toddlers grow up, they blame the mothers for any shortcomings they see in them, saying things like, "Look at what you've done!" While they are preoccupied with earning a living or fighting for their big ideals, they expect their wives to "do the favor" of saving their children. If these absent fathers are divorced from their wives, they will most likely divorce their children as well. Director Woody Allen might serve as a good example of absent fathers. In his custody battle with his former partner Mia Farrow, the judge asks Allen to list his children's friends and doctor. Allen cannot because throughout their relationship, he did not treat his children like a father but rather as an accomplice.

Fathers Who Compare Their Children with Their Own Childhood Cüceloğlu categorizes the second type as the "Strict Father." These fathers operate according to certain patterns and beliefs. "One must fear the father; one must respect the father; the father must maintain a distance; the father must not kiss or hug too often; the father must discipline when necessary..." These are their mottos. They notice every deficiency in their children as if they were finding the seven differences in a puzzle picture. Their language is critical. They compare their own fatherhood to the fatherhood they experienced in their childhood. They compare their children to their own childhoods. These fathers tend to label their children as "spoiled." They evaluate their own parenting and their children's childhoods as if they were assessing historical events within their own era. They communicate outwardly but fail to establish a connection.

Fatherhood is a Journey of Love Defined by Affection There is also the "Loving Father" character, which is the father figure we all want to see in our families. Perhaps not perfect and with superpowers as commonly imagined, but indeed a super